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Father Son Relationships – Learning About My FatherI grew up with two half sisters. Both of my parents were on their second marriage. When I was two, my half-sister who was 15, became pregnant. She married, left home, and gave birth at the age of 16. About one year later, my other sister left the house and married. Both of my parents worked full-time, so I was always alone. Toys and television became my babysitter and best friend. I grew up insecure about myself and I didn’t have a foundation to grow on. The father-son relationship was severely lacking.
There was no communication in my family and when we sat down at the dinner table, there was no discussion about our dreams, wishes, or hopes. My father was grumpy and showed little or no emotions at all. I remember always eating my dinner in a hurry so that I could leave the somber surroundings and go outside to play. That is how I escaped from all the emptiness inside of my heart. I soon became very distant from my parents.
I never received the love, attention, and nurturing a young boy needs. Of course, my mother would be there when I fell down or hurt myself. She was the one who worried about me the most. I remember she would struggle to even let me go outside to play, afraid that I would get too dirty or hurt myself. My mother stayed very busy. She would come home, tired from working all day, and cook dinner and then clean up. Her work never seemed to end. My father never offered to help -- not even once. I remember seeing my mom on her knees at night crying and praying in her room. She was the only Christian in the family. When I was young, I often went to church with my mom, but my attention span was very limited.
As I grew older, things that were important to me were not interesting to my father and he routinely ignored me. I could never share my feelings or show any emotions -- my father called emotions a sign of weakness. I never learned how to stand up for myself, so I mastered the art of running away from every conflict or altercation.
My mother tried to understand me and she would always teach me right from wrong, but I had no foundation of family values or morals in my life. I didn’t even know what love truly meant. As a matter of fact, the only foundations that were being set were ones of pain, distrust, and rejection.
By the time I was sixteen, I could never do anything right in my father’s eyes and his words made me feel worthless. He would often tell me that I would never be successful in life. I was heart-broken and had no one to turn to. I was alone. It seemed he was always fighting with me, but never for me.
Father Son Relationships – Trying to Run
My world felt like it was ready to self detonate. The pressure and all the anxiety that had built up inside of me was like a volcano waiting to erupt. I felt helpless, alone, and unworthy. At the age of seventeen, I realized that the father-son relationship wouldn't change, so I ran away from home and moved in with my sister, her husband, and their three boys. When I first moved in I was very insecure about myself and lacked any confidence. I had to sign an agreement that I would keep good grades and that I would work to earn my keep
